MISSION IMPOSSIBLE MARATHON - Collective Review

Hello there puny humans,
after my collective review of the Fast & Furious-Franchise was well received, I decided that I had to do something like this again. When the time came to plan my annual Movie Extravaganza (a long weekend on which I watch a shit ton of films with my two best movie buddies B.A. and Lena), it was decided that we'd marathon the entire Mission: Impossible series in celebration of its sixth installment hitting theaters. So I thought what better way to revive my habit of rambling on about movies than with this franchise review. The closer the weekend of the marathon came, the more pumped I got, because the Mission movies have always been a fun and exhilarating ride. When it was finally time to sit down and start the first film, I was more than ready to dive into this awesome world of spy shenanigans and incredible stunts. Of course, I wanted to collect some stats across all of these movies once again, just as I did for Fast & Furious:

• Biggest Stunt - for the most WTF moment of the film
• MVP - for the best member(s) of cast and crew, or the best character. 
• Quality of Cruise-Running - its no secret that Tom Cruise loves to sprint at least once in a film and this score rates how well the movie showcases his sweet running skills 
• Mask Reveals - for every time a character poses as someone else behind a rubber mask (with or without the audience's knowledge)
• Hair Rating - based on school grading, we rated the beauty of Tom's varying haircuts

So, now where the formalities are out of the way. Join me on my venture into pure Tom Cruise madness:

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE (1996)

As our quest begins, we are brought back to the 90's. A time where Mission: Impossible wasn't a multi-million dollar action franchise helmed by one of the most controversial figures in Hollywood, but simply a Brian De Palma spy thriller based on a TV Show from the 60's starring hot young movie star Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt. And although it looks and feels different from the rest of the franchise (as I said more thrillery than actiony), it still holds up very well. Sure, everything tech and internet related is super outdated and sometimes you can't help but chuckle at the way they just throw random words at you to sound smart ("Thinking machine Laptops. I am talking about the 686 prototype with the artificial intelligence risk chip"). But man, this movie still holds up in other regards. It's super tense and with its immensely iconic Langley heist (yes, the one where Tom Cruise is hanging from wires) as well as the fight on top of the high-speed train, it set a precedent for the franchise that lead to each movie trying to one-up its predecessor with cool and amazing stunts.
Another interesting thing we notice about this movie is that it's the only film in the franchise that gives us information on Ethan Hunt's parents. It is established that his father has died and in a move that all three of us found more than shady, the IMF arrests Ethan's mother and uncle for drug trading in order to draw him out of hiding. I mean, they did think he was a mole, but still. Is this standard procedure at government agencies? Imprisoning their innocent relatives? What about all the other times in later movies, when Ethan gets disavowed by the IMF? Did they arrest his mother and uncle each time? They must be fucking tired of that shit. #justiceforethansmomanduncle

Biggest Stunt: The heist in the Langley computer room. Although a stunt involving an exploding water tank was apparently much more dangerous, this scene is such an iconic and well crafted sequence that it influenced future film makers and spawned a huge number of parodies and copycats. See it here!

MVP: Brian De Palma for asking Tom Cruise to do that aforementioned dangerous water stunt himself. We suspect that this was where he got a taste for the action and believe it to be the origin of Cruise's obsession to do the craziest shit in front of the camera.
                          
Mask Reveals: 3               Quality of Cruise-Running: 2/5             Hair Rating: D

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE II (2000)
Now, we are getting to the film that is considered to be the worst of the franchise. I remember liking this movie the last time I saw it, but I was like 13 years old, didn't have a clue about what makes good film making and totally had the hots for Thandie Newton, so my raging teenage hormones might have clouded my judgement as well. This movie is really something. That John Woo took over the director's chair becomes apparent in the DVD menu already: White doves fly across the screen in a very short time loop over and over again. And the movie is full of all his other trademarks too (like for example slow-mo jumping and shooting two guns at the same time). This film is such a product of its time. With everyone wearing black leather jackets and sunglasses, a Limp Bizkit theme song, motorcycle jumps and cars that explode at the smallest of impacts, this movie basically screams at you that it was made at the turn of the millennium. Also Ethan's character is so very different. He suddenly is this cocky womanizing sensation seeker, which is a weird change compared to the first one. In addition, the plot is unengaging, Dougray Scott is a very generic villain and they run that mask reveal twist into the ground. I mean five mask reveals in a two hour film? That's estimates to someone ripping a rubber mask of his face every 24 minutes. It's ridiculous! However, this film has one of the funniest DVD specials, which is an interview in which Ben Stiller pretends to be Tom Cruise's stuntman Tom Crooze.

Biggest Stunt: The opening rock climb is what most people talk about, and it's cool and all. But the stunt where Tom Cruise stops a knife less than an inch in front of his eye was actually done practically, with the knife hanging on a wire and Dougray Scott putting his whole weight into that stab. That's just as dangerous as it is impressive. See it here!

MVP: Dougray Scott, that poor bastard, who had to turn down the role of Wolverine because of his commitment to this film, making him partly responsible for giving us Hugh Jackmann and one of the greates comic book films of all time: Logan.
                          
Mask Reveals: 5              Quality of Cruise-Running: 1/5             Hair Rating: B+

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III (2006)

The worst is behind us and so we're excited for what next. This third installment came after the longest pause the franchise ever took. Tom Cruise apparently handpicked J. J. Abrahams as a director after seeing Alias,  and was hoping he could bring his spy thriller sensibilities to the big screen. It was Abrahams' feature film debut. So even before he reinvigorated/reinvented Star Trek and Star Wars, he was the man to take Mission: Impossible  in a new direction. He makes this story an intimate one and focuses on Ethan's personal stakes rather than the whole worlds. As a result, this movie doesn't really care what gets the IMF on its mission and instead uses one of the macguffiest MacGuffins, "the rabbit's foot", of which no one really knows anything about except that the bad guys shouldn't get their hands on it.  The movie still works nonetheless. Ethan is more desperate than ever as his newly introduced wife is abducted by the vicious Owen Davian. He is played by the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman who gives an absolutely brilliant portrayal of the villain. And while the movie is intense manages to throw you some curveballs, it doesn't quite manage too stand out. Maybe because it is lacking a distinct and totally bonkers action scene, which has kind of became the trademark of the franchise. It is still a very good movie though and it deserves more appreciation than it gets. After all its the one film in the franchise that fully understands how awesome it is to see Tom Cruise run. Seriously, there is a 3 minute sequence that is basically just him running (including a 20 second long take of him in full sprint). It is absolutely magnificent!

Biggest Stunt: In a very cool and tense sequence, Ethan engages in some jumping off and then swinging onto another building shenanigans involving the Jin Mao, Oriental Pearl and Bank of China Tower. See it here!

MVP: Phillip Seymour Hoffman for his outstanding performance. "You have a wife, girlfriend? Because you know what I'm gonna do next? I'm gonna find her, whoever she is, I'm gonna find her and I'm gonna hurt her. I'm gonna make her bleed, and cry, and call out your name." Hoffman's delivery of these lines give you the chills.  
                          
Mask Reveals: 2               Quality of Cruise-Running: 6/5             Hair Rating: C+

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL (2011)

By now, the three of us have a fully choreographed dancing routine to the Mission Impossible theme. I’m super excited. The fourth one is my favorite of the franchise. It is one of those movies I can put on any given time and I’ll have a blast. First of all, they really double down on the team aspect of the series and in every action set piece, everyone gets something to do. We also really get the globe trotting vibes as the movie switches from one distinct location to the next. Russia, the United Arabic Emirates, India, in every scene everything and everyone looks fucking cool (including Cruise with the best hair in the series yet, it just looks fantastic at that Mumbai Party scene). Another aspect I love about this movie ist hat close to all the tech the team uses fails at some point. Apart from being a clever was to create tension, this additionally makes for some great humor. This probably the funniest of all the Mission: Impossible movies. But of course you can’t talk about this movie without addressing the astonishing Burj Khalifa sequence. Tom Cruise climbing up the tallest building on earth is freaking intense to watch and one of the greatest stunts of all. But even after that, we are treated to a „spies in disguise“ scene that is as classic as it is entertaining. From there we transition directly into a brilliant fight scene between Paula Patton and Léa Seydoux, as well as a Sandstorm foot chase with high quality Cruise running. The whole sequence is just perfect action cinema. So much so, that B.A. claims it kind of ruins the finale of the film, because it can’t come close to anything happening in Dubai.

Biggest Stunt: Definitely the Burj Khalifa thing! I mean... Look at it: https://youtu.be/WoYXzLSnHVE?t=2m27s

MVP: Brad Bird for making the franchise find its footing after Abrahams gave it a fresh start, and simultaneously creating one perfect popcorn entertainment.
                          
Mask Reveals: 1               Quality of Cruise-Running: 5/5             Hair Rating: A+

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - ROGUE NATION (2015)
Next up is fifth entry in the franchise and the last one before we head to the theater for the great finale. This time Cruise collaborates with director Christopher McQuarrie who he previously teamed up with on the solid action-flick Jack Reacher and one of my favorite science-fiction action adventures of recent years, Edge of Tomorrow. So this can only be good. And it is. But when comparing it to Ghost Protocol I have a few issues with the film. Firstly, the action beats feel like they are in reversed order. We open the movie to the biggest stunt in the franchise yet: Tom Cruise hanging on the side of a plane while it takes of! It's absolutely bonkers. The next big action beat is a cool, big-scale, but not as realistic looking underwater sequence and then we end the movie on foot chase. Secondly, you get the feeling that McQuarrie hasn't quite figured out what to do with the individual team members and so Ving Rhames and Jeremy Renner are just kind of there, without a real purpose. However, this is not to say that Rogue Nation is a bad movie by any means. Not at all. This movie has a lot of great stuff to offer. There is an opera scene that is so beautifully shot and constructed that it is one of the visual highlights of the series. Rebecca Ferguson's Ilsa Faust is an interesting and fresh new character and the action sequences (although in reversed order) are well choreographed. Also the story is at least a tiny bit more complex than Ghost Protocol's "we need to go to the place to get the thing, then we fail and go to a different place to get another thing" plot. B.A. even prefers this movie over that fourth installment. So I guess it just comes down to personal preference.

Biggest Stunt: The aforementioned and 100% insane plane stunt. Which cements Tom Cruise as being irreplaceable for this franchise. See it here!

MVP: Tom Cruise, because he is irreplaceable for this franchise.
                          
Mask Reveals: 1.5*             Quality of Cruise-Running: 3/5             Hair Rating: C

*Technically its two, but one of them is shown in a What-If scenario so it doesn't fully count.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - FALLOUT (2018)
We rush to the theater only to find a huge line and overchallenged personnel. It takes over 20 minutes until we get to buy our tickets. The cashier tells us the first 2 minutes of the film have already started and asks us whether we still want tickets or wait over two hours for the next showing. We've marathoned five movies for this moment. We are not missing one second! So the three of us make ourselves comfortable at a bar nearby and engage into a deep conversation about the uncertainty of our futures until B.A. orders to stop the depressing talk and get pumped for the upcoming movie. So we do. When we finally sit in the theater and the lights go out to signal the start of the film, a voice in the back of my head tells me to lower my expectations, because the movie could never live up to how much we hyped each other up. But the voice is wrong. Because what follows is one of the most visceral edge-of-your-seat action films I've seen. While I had hoped that the franchise would go back to the lighter tone of Brad Bird, I am not at all disappointed when the movie does the opposite. It just works on so many levels. They have mask reveals that manage surprise you, there is a premium Cruise running and I'm digging that hair-cut. And of course the action. Oh my god! It's the bomb. You get everything you can ask for. Foot chases, car chases, motorcycle chases, freaking helicopter chases, raw hand-to-hand combat, a halo jump sequence and so much more. Every single one of these scenes utilizes practical stunt work as much as possible and is meticulously designed to make your heart stop. Furthermore, this movie really feels like the culmination of the entire franchise. They continue story threads form Rogue Nation, you get the personal stakes from M:I III as well as the spy thriller feel of the original. They care about the team like in Ghost Protocol and Ethan even gets to show off his skill set from M:I II (including kicking, rock-climbing and seduction). McQuarrie even went so far to switch up his directing style for this film so that it once again feels like it was made by a new director. For a fan of the franchise, this is fantastic!

Biggest Stunt: The entire movie? Can I say that? No? Okay, then I guess I'd settle for the crazy helicopter climb + chase. I still can't believe Cruise actually did this. You can get a glimpse of its awesomeness right here.

MVP: Whoever cut together that first trailer for this film. It's amazing. Apart from perfectly nailing the tone of the actual film, it gave us the Henry Cavill fist reloading sound effect and got "Friction" by Imagine Dragons forever stuck in my head. See for yourself!
                          
Mask Reveals: 2               Quality of Cruise-Running: 5/5             Hair Rating: A-

RÉSUMÉ:

We did it. Wow! What a wild ride. I can honestly say that this was one of the funnest movie marathons I've ever done (and I've done a few).  Considering this franchise has so far had 6 installments spread over two decades with 5 different directors bringing their individual perspective to each movie, it is impressive how high-quality these films are. Each of them is great in its own way. Even the second one which is definitely a trashy mess can be enjoyed for that very same reason. While talking about Mission: Impossible we can't help but compare it to the Fast & Furious franchise. Both franchises started as a standalone film and evolved into a long-running series that  reinvented itself through a change of directors and audience's tastes. So unlike Bond, who basically came with a box of catch phrases and tropes, these franchises had to figure out their trademarks on the go. Yes, there was a time when we didn't connect Fast & Furious so strongly with the word "Family" or a habit of drinking Corona Extra. And Mission have only recently started to wonder when Benji will finally get his mask. But what is most apparent is that these two franchises have found their niche in constantly outdoing themselves by featuring a greater and crazier action set-piece in every installment. However, while Fast & Furious replaces their amazing professional stunt team in post-production so that it looks like the actors were taking the wheel, the Mission: Impossible movies are entirely on Cruise control (see what I did there?).  His decision to do all of his own stunts with as little CGI as possible is what truly makes these movies special. He learned to fly a helicopter, he trained himself to be able to hold his breath for six full minutes underwater, he let a real knife get as close as an inch to his eyes, he climbed the tallest building on earth, he held onto an airplane as it took off, he literally put life in danger just to make these films more exciting. Whether you call this madness or genius, this type of commitment is unparalleled.  Only cinema legend Buster Keaton could compete with Cruise for the title of the greatest "I do my own stunts"-actors of all time. And it pays off in the end result. Of course we know that Ethan Hunt is not going to die in the movie, but when you clearly see an actual human being hanging on to a helicopter in mid-air or barely dodging on-coming traffic on his motorcycle, your body sends out distress signals nonetheless. It is breathtaking.
And it would be reason enough to love these films. However, on top of that (with the exception of maybe M:I 2),  the series never forgets its characters and what they have been through. I constantly return to this franchise because I get mind-blowing action, sure. But I also get excited for each new movie because I want to see what Luther is up to, how Benji is doing, if Brandt finally gets is time to shine and whether Ethan will someday have had enough. I personally hope he never does.

So, this is it, my in-depth review of the "Mission: Impossible Marathon". It was endlessly fun, and I want to thank my good friends for joining me on this venture, keeping the stats and doing our dorky "Mission: Impossible Theme" dance. And to every one else I say: Go watch Mission: Impossible! I know that Tom Cruise is a totally insane man. But it is this very insanity that makes these movies crazy good.

Sincerely,
Your Cinemartian

2nd CINEMARTIAN MOVIE AWARDS

 Hello there puny humans,
and welcome to the second annual "Cinemartian Movie Awards". Since readers seemed to enjoy last year's awards, I thought that I would keep the tradition. Additionally, it gives me the chance to honor movies that didn't quite make it onto my top ten list. And this year those were quite a few! Because 2017 was a fantastic year for cinema. After having some fun with categories last time, I tried to run equally wild this time around. So now, I present to you the winners of my prestigious awards:

BIGGEST POSITIVE SURPRISE:
Winner: My Life as a Courgette
I've talked about this movie multiple times, when I reviewed last year's Academy Awards and when I put up my Top 10 Films of the year. So maybe I should start to shut up about this Swiss-French stop motion animated kids movie. But seriously, this was the most unexpected gem of 2017. It was the weekend of the Oscars and me and my two best movie buddies set out to see as many nominated films as we could. Jokingly I said: "Well on Sunday they play 'My Life as a Courgette', we could catch that one as well. Haha." Surprisingly, I got an uber-enthusiastic 'Yes' from my companions. When we stood in line to buy the tickets my motivation was incredibly low. "Thank God I only have to sit through this thing for 70 minutes." Then the film started and I was completely captivated after only five minutes!

BEST USE OF MUSIC:
Winner: Baby Driver

I mean, there really is no competition. The way that music was used in this film was out of this world. Multiple different elements of the soundtrack were utilized to perfectly suck us into the main characters mood and perspective. The action lined up with the rhythm of the songs. The lyrics described the situation our character was in ("Nowhere to run to, Baby, nowhere to hide!"). The music stopped coming out of the left speaker, when Baby wasn't wearing his left earphone. The flow of the music represented how smooth things go (remember when the heist goes wrong and Baby has to restart a song?). And above all, it was just god damn cool music. In an interview director Edgar Wright said that he had a playlist called "Baby Maybes" with over a thousand potential songs for the film. I really want that playlist.

BEST SOUNDTRACK TO WORK OUT TO:
Winner: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

When I saw the trailer for this movie for the first time, I could see Guy Ritchie's fingerprints all over it. Personally, I really enjoy the director's style. I think his movies have a vigorous energy to them that just gets you excited. The same goes for his soundtracks. The score of "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword" gets you pumped. Whenever I need a motivational push, I just blast "Run Londinium", "Seasoned Oak" or "Jackseye's Tale" through my headphones. As a Hip-Hop fan I can especially appreciate the head-nodding qualities of the latter. These tracks get your heart pounding and your muscles moving. Furthermore, I also just wanted to give this movie an award because I do not think it deserved the negative backlash it got. Yes, there are a few structural problems, but there is certainly fun to be had with this film.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS:
Winner: War for the Planet of the Apes
Technology has come incredibly far in the last few decades and often we only notice how good special effects are today, when we see cringy CGI in older films. But this Planet of the Apes reboot trilogy has put me in absolute awe every time watched one of its films for the first time. I am still not 100% convinced that 20th Century Fox didn't train actual apes for this. This is pure movie magic. And the best thing about these films is that they have even more to offer than just outstanding VFX. Andy Serkis is fantastic as Caeser, the cinematography is beautiful and the movie perfectly manages to be a captivating action film and a humanistic drama at the same time.

THE "WHY DOES THIS EXIST?"-AWARD:
Winner: Transformers: The Last Knight

Every time I see a new Transformers movie I ask myself this question. Why? Why? Whyyyy? The first film was an okay Popcorn flick that had more than a few flaws, but was enjoyable for what it was. The more movies came however, the worse it got. This series is one of the laziest, inconsistent and dumbest franchises ever created. There is just so little effort put in these movies that it is an insult for every serious film maker. And yet, the Transformers franchise keeps making money. It's frustrating to see so many people buying movie tickets for crap like that while absolutely amazing films like "Blade Runner 2049" struggle at the box office. For a long time, another one of the worst parts about this for me was that people started throwing these films in the same pot with "Pacific Rim", a movie I love very dearly. But since I have written an article about this I can just refer people to it.

THE "I DON'T CARE THAT THIS EXISTS"-AWARD:
Winner: Beauty and the Beast

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that this movie sucks. But... well... it is the same movie as the 1991 classic. Almost exactly the same. Why do we need this? I mean the film sure has the Disney magic and all, but I could just watch the original for that. The few changes that they made had no additional value for me and in some ways made the movie even worse. So the Beast can now teleport? Why is he moping around in his castle then, when he could be sipping Piña Coladas on the beaches of southern France? And the partially autotuned voices of Emma Watson and Dan Stevens didn't really elevate the material either. The only new thing I actually found cool was introducing LeFou as a homosexual. But that is not what I need these live-action remakes for.

THE "I DIDN'T KNOW I CARED THAT THIS EXISTS"-AWARD:
Winner: Fate of the Furious

I have sneered at this franchise for the longest part of my life. It wasn't until last spring, when I marathoned the entire series in one day (the full experience documented here), that the Fast & Furious movies found their way to my heart. Yes, these films are ridiculous and totally bonkers, but that doesn't stop them from being inventive, caring about their character's history and actually leaving their continuity in tact. They do not take themselves seriously, but they do take their audience seriously. This is also the way in which their are different to the Transformers franchise despite falling in the same broader category of mindless blockbusters. When I finally sat down to watch "Fate of the Furious" I had a blast. I was happy to see outrageous action, cheesy one-liners and a ton of references to past films. If you'd asked me a few years back, I probably wouldn't have believed it. And if you still don't believe it, I recommend Patrick H. Willems' video on why these movies are great.

BEST T-SHIRTS:
Winner: Anything worn by Ben from IT (portrayed by Jeremy Ray Taylor)
"IT" had a lot to offer. The eighties setting gave it nostalgia points, the child actors had really good chemistry, the camera work was great and it was a classic horror story. The one thing that amazed me the most, however, was how cool Ben's t-shirts were. I love tees with creative, colorful and ironically cheesy designs. Almost every time Jeremy Ray Taylor walked on screen with a new outfit I thought to myself: "Man, I want a shirt with that motif!". An Oscar nomination for Best Costume Design would have been nice, but I guess the Academy values elaborate dressmaking over a good eye during shirt shopping.... pff...

BEST "GHOST IN THE SHELL"-REMAKE:
Winner: Blade Runner 2049
The 1995 original "Ghost in the Shell" is not only an amazing anime, but also a great cerebral science fiction film. Through its futuristic setting it explored philosophical themes like the connection between body and soul, the definition of identity, and whether there is such a thing as an objective reality. The 2017 remake starring Scarlett Johansson was an enjoyable film, but failed to be as thought-provoking as its source material - or as visually stunning for that matter. The channel Nerdwriter1 actually mad a great video on how the remake lost the meaningful color pallets and didn't take enough time to let its moments and images sink in. "Blade Runner 2049" on the other hand had all that. It played with colors, touched on the themes of the original "Ghost in the Shell" and had almost meditative sequences that let the audience reflect on what they were witnessing. It was a masterclass sci-fi film cast in the same mold of the beloved Japanese classic.
Of course I also have to address the white-washing concerning the casting of the new "Ghost in the Shell" film, which didn't help the movie either. Their solution to the problem of having cast a white actress for an Asian role actually turned out to be counterproductive as it left room for some bad interpretations. If you get a superior body, they make you white? Urgh, let's not go down that road...

LEAST SEXUALIZED FEMALE MAIN CHARACTER:
Winner: Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman
The most wonderful thing about "Wonder Woman" was that it gave us an amazing portrayal of a female heroine. No compromises were made when creating this amazing amazon. Diana Prince was as bad-ass as she was beautiful, as warm-hearted as she was brave and as much of a team-player as she was independent. She simply was the whole package. Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot depicted the character with respect and grace. Her strength came from within and not from other people around her being incompetent. The film might have had a few flaws, but the portrayal of Wonder Woman was inspiring to men and women alike. 

MOST SEXUALIZED FEMALE MAIN CHARACTER:
Winner: Wonder Woman in Justice League
Only five month after we got a progressive portrayal of a female super-hero, a stick-in-the-mud called "Justice League" came along. Suddenly, Gal Gadot was filmed from suspiciously low angles with her butt right in the foreground of the shot. While the humor between her and Chris Pine had been clever and cute in her solo film, her big comedic moment here was when flash accidentally fell face first into her cleavage. And I could swear that the skirt of her costume has gotten shorter. Yes, she still kicked ass most of the time, but seeing her so obviously sexualized was just a crying shame...

MOST VISIBLE MUSTACHE:
Winner: Hercule Poirot (as performed by Kenneth Branagh in Murder on the Orient Express)
"Murder on the Orient Express" was not a perfect film, but it did have a whole lot of style. In his performance you could see that Kenneth Branagh had a lot of fun with his character, but it also showed in the look he chose for him. While Poirot has always been described as flamboyant, concerned with his looks and proud of his beard, no visual incarnation of the character took it as far as Branagh’s. This mustache is of such magnificent size and style that hardly any movie character can compete. And even though I was watching an intriguing and skillfully acted murder mystery on screen, my mind couldn’t help but wander off and speculate about what effort it would take to grow and groom such (literally) outstanding facial hair. I was impressed and envious at the same time.

LEAST VISIBLE MUSTACHE:
Winner: Superman (as performed by Henry Cavill in Justice League)

This is one of the funniest stories in Hollywood history. Shortly after "Justice League" had stopped filming, Henry Cavill started shooting "Mission: Impossible - Fallout". But then, Warner Brothers Studios needed to do some extensive reshoots for "Justice League". The problem was that Henry Cavill had already grown a full mustache for his role in "M:I 6" and was contractually prohibited from shaving it off. WB Studios begged Paramount Pictures to let Cavill shave anyways, but Paramount refused, because they didn't want to go through the trouble of digitally adding the mustache in post-production (even though WB offered to cover for the expenses). As a result, Warner Brothers had to do it the other way round. They shot the additional Superman footage with a bearded Cavill and had to later remove his stache through the power of visual effects. It was actually rumored that this cost the studio as much as 25 million dollars! Which is insane! This makes Henry Cavill's whiskers the most expensive facial hair of all time, and if you look close enough you can actually notice his fake CGI lip in "Justice League".

MOVIE WHOSE ARC OF SUSPENSE MOST RESEMBLED A FULLY INFLATED BALLOON THAT SOMEONE SUDDENLY WHIZZED OFF:
Winner: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
I know that this award sounds a little contrived, but you'd be surprised how many movies this applies to. In 2017 "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" fit that bill the most. It had a lot going for it in the beginning. First of all, Luc Besson had reached out to design schools world-wide to get diverse creative input for the look of his different alien races. The result was a world filled with a huge variety of interesting and exciting creatures. Secondly, the cold open on the unidentified planet made for an intriguing mystery. And lastly, the market place scene in the first act was an incredibly cool way to use sci-fi concepts for an exciting action sequence. So for the first half an hour or so I was totally on board. But then the film quickly lost me. The character of Laureline (whose name was already cut from the title compared to the comic) could have been a strong female character, but was degraded to an only slightly empowered damsel in distress after the first act. Then Valerian goes on a weird side quest to save her, which only makes the movie lose its momentum and could have easily been cut. Additionally, the secret villain of the story was revealed to the audience very early on, but not to our main characters. When Valerian and Laureline see through his game in the very end and confront him, the viewer already has been knowing almost everything they unveil for about an hour. It simply makes the finale much less meaningful. Seeing "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" start so well but then decrease in quality so quickly was kind of frustrating.

CHAMELEON ACTOR AWARD:
Winner: Domhnall Gleeson

Whenever I get to talk about Domhnall Gleeson I praise him to the skies. Finally, I can make it "official" by awarding him this prize. Consider this an early Lifetime Achievement Award, because Gleeson has already played vastly different characters in films like "The Revenant", "Ex Machina", "Harry Potter" and "Brooklyn". In 2017 he proved his versatility once more by playing an ultimate dork in "Crash Pad", reprising his role as a sleazy fascist in "Star Wars",  chilling me to the bone with his brief appearance in "mother!", giving us a gentle portrayal of a writer suffering from PTSD in the biopic "Goodbye Christopher Robin", and almost overshadowing Tom Cruise with his charismatic performance in "American Made". This guy can do anything! If I were to wake up in a parallel universe where he was cast in every single male role of every film ever made, I probably wouldn't mind.

BEST MOVIE DAD:
Winner: Frank Adler (as performed by Chris Evans in Gifted)

Next to having portrayed seven different characters in over 10 comic-book based movies, Chris Evans has also always had a sweet spot for smaller indie films. In his latest outing, "Gifted", he plays Frank, the legal guardian of a young girl that turns out to be... well... gifted. And even though Frank is technically her uncle, he is the perfect dad. Through the entire film you really believe that he has her best interest at heart and that he puts her needs before his every time. He is kind, intelligent and, you know, played by Chris Evans, so also incredibly handsome and charming. This is one of these main characters you constantly root for, because he is such a good dude.

WORST MOVIE DAD:
Winner: Him (as performed by Javier Bardem in mother!)

I don't think I have to explain my reasoning for this award to anyone who has actually seen "mother!". For those who haven't, I don't really want to spoil the movie. Let's just say Javier Bardem's nameless poet is like a reverse Liam Neeson in the sense that if his child were to be kidnapped, he wouldn't go "I will find you, and I will kill you!", but rather "I will forgive you, and I will love you!"

BEST FIGHT SCENE:
Winner: The "Stairway Fight" in Atomic Blonde

This movie has often been referred to as "Female John Wick". While I see the parallels, it is much more of a spy movie, whereas "John Wick" is a straight up action flick. This is also why I think it is inferior to both "John Wick" movies, because "Atomic Blonde" loses a lot of momentum through a convoluted plot and many dialogue scenes during which the audience isn't really invested in what happens. However, when the action did kick in, it was a roundhouse-kick straight to the face. Damn, these fights were amazing - merciless, brutal and unpolished. Especially, the 7-minute long-take in which Charlize Theron fights herself through a building was absolutely insane! Nobody is pulling their punches, and in the end the characters are so beaten down that they actually need a couple of seconds to pick themselves up again. It's wild! Read my full review of the film here.

BIGGEST REASON TO QUESTION MY SEXUALITY:
Winner: Dev Patel & His unexpected Sexiness in Lion
Unsuspectingly, I walked into "Lion" ready to simply check one more Oscar nominated movie of my list. What I got was not only one of my favorite films of last year but also a surprising feeling of physical attraction to the films lead actor. I couldn't explain it. Dev Patel used to look like one of the dorkiest Indian kids with his lanky physique and jug ears. But when he stepped on screen during the second half of the film, with his hunky beard, his broad smile and perfect hair I was like "Damn! Dev got hot!". In one scene, I even found myself leaning over to my female friend whispering: "Man, check out that nice butt!" If I ever were to enter a homosexual relationship, Dev Patel would be the one to make me do it.

BEST FILM TO BE PART OF A MARATHON:
Winner: Sharknado 5: Global Swarming
It thought about going serious with this one and actually go with "War for the Planet of the Apes". Even when I decided not to, "Fate of the Furious" was a hot contender. But man, I just had to give this one to "Sharknado 5: Global Swarming". This franchise is so ingeniously dumb and trashy. In a marathon, you can witness the already outlandish premise escalate from film to film. And just when you think this series became too self-aware and contrived with its fourth movie, "Global Swarming" comes along, rights the wrongs from its predecessor and actually has some genuinely surprising moments to offer. This movie takes the franchise in a whole new and even crazier direction and the cliffhanger at the end makes you actually excited for the next installment.

BEST CLIFFHANGER:
Winner: John Wick: Chapter 2
Despite the twist ending of "Sharknado 5", the award for Best Cliffhanger has to go to "John Wick: Chapter 2". Firstly, the film makers managed to resolve their main plot before putting in that cliffhanger, and so managed to make this a self-contained story despite the open ending. This is incredibly cool, because it gives this franchise an overarching through-line, while simultaneously telling separate stories in each film. Secondly, the implications of said open ending guarantee an even bigger, even more intense third film. The first movie was a surprise hit that left me wanting to know more about the stylistic and intriguing world it built. The second chapter broadened this world and showed us that the system in which our main-character was operating is bigger than we might have expected. And the way it looks now, the next film will be letting that system collapse over his head and turn into chaos. Personally, I can't wait! I mean, an epic finale to a graphic-novel-esque movie series revolving around Keanu Reeves in gun-fu-mode... what's not to love?

BEST MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE:
Winner: Get Out

Per Definition, I can't really say a lot about this. But of all the films I missed, this movie was the one that popped up in most conversations about 2017's best releases. "Get Out" took the world by storm. Not only did people think that this was a very skillfully crafted horror film, but the social commentary of its story seemed to have transcended that genre. Suddenly writer-director Jordan Peele's name was everywhere. The former sketch comedian got suggested for multiple potential directing gigs by film buffs and movie magazines. Even the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was listening and nominated "Get Out" for four of the Big Five Oscars. Needless to say, I really really need to catch up on this film. Everything I heard about it so far sounds like I would have a lot of fun with it.

BEST MOVIE YOU DIDN'T SEE:
Winner: Jungle

Nobody talked about this film. And I think the reason is that nobody saw it. I, however, was lucky enough to catch this Australian survival drama at the Nürnberg Fantasy Film Festival. While it might not be an entirely perfect film, I believe it deserved more recognition than it got. The soundtrack is vibrant, the characters are well-written and the story is captivating. Also Daniel Radcliffe (who has continued to impress me with his bold and diverse choice of projects) gives one of his best performances. This is a film for fans of backpacking and survival movies, but it is also an interesting study of our main characters mind. On top of that the setting of the Bolivian Jungle makes for some absolutely gorgeous shots. If you go into the movie knowing nothing about its story it will take you on a great ride of wonder, suspicion and tragedy. Check it out when you have the chance!

And now we are done! All the Awards are handed out, and all I have to do is to thank you all for reading this long and silly article. I hope you had fun with my made up categories. I certainly had fun writing them. What other Awards would you have given out? Which ones did you think I gave to the wrong person or movie? Feel free to comment below and be sure to check out  "TOP 10 FILMS OF 2017"-List where I honored my personal best of the best.

Sincerely,
Your Cinemartian

FAST & FURIOUS MARATHON - Collective Review

An Essay about an Odyssey

Hello there puny humans,
my buddy B.A. and I decided to continue our love for marathoning movies with one of the weirdest, longest running and most bonkers franchises: The Fast and the Furious! Neither of us had seen all of these films and it was an undertaking neither of us was 100% sure about. We were pretty pumped, but also knew a brain could only take so many testosterone driven muscle-heads, over-revved engines, female properties and vast violations of Newton's carefully logged laws. Also we realized, that the whole thing would take us about 16.5 h (without any considerably big breaks in between). It became clear I probably should arrive at B.A.'s place at 7.30 am. Naively he asked me whether I'd arrive by train or by car. I mean come on. It's the "Fast & Furithon". I ain't ridin' on no tracks. On my way to his place I thought of the following statistics I wanted to collect across all of these movies:

• Biggest Stunt - for the most WTF moment of the film
• MVP - for the best member(s) of cast and crew, or the best character
• Physics Score - for how much the movie abides the basic laws of physics
• Gear Shift Close-Ups - for everytime the camera punches in on someone operating the gear shift (or the e-break)
• "Family"-Counter - for the number of times someone (preferably Vin Diesel) says the word family

So, now where I had my rating system ready, and B.A. had prepared for the adequate and sufficient dietary intake, we were able to start our highly anticipated and yet, somewhat dreaded adventure:

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS (2001)

As our quest begins, we rejoice over how early 2000's this film is. There are people wearing dog tags and leather jackets, information is transferred via diskette, internet references are made that clearly show that they had no real idea about how it works, the 'hot stuff' Dom's crew is stealing are DVD players and digital cameras, and there even is a Ja Rule cameo, because well, he still was relevant back then. Also, for some reason, the bad guys always do wheelies when they ride away maliciously. Story-wise this movie basically is just Point Break with cars, which is okay I guess. Paul Walker's wooden acting doesn't really help to elevate the material, but it is nostalgia that makes the movie still kind of work.
However, we make some interesting observations. For one, the film makers make the odd choice of playing their dramatic piano cues over the techno/hip-hop tracks playing in the background of the scenes, without fading it out. Therefore, the music doesn't only fail to hit its emotional mark, but it becomes a weird mix of sound. Like when you and your flatmate listen to different music in your rooms at the same time and you are standing in the hallway hearing both. Secondly, although the movie already introduces the franchise's favorite brand of beer, Corona, the film lacks its trademark family theme. In Dominic Torreto's 'heartfelt' speech Vin Diesel even states that "the crew and their bullshit doesn't matter." We are shocked...

Biggest Stunt: Vince is hanging from the side of a Truck, tangled up in a wire. Brian approaches in a convertable, and tells Mia to take the wheel. While she does so, he climbs on top of the car and jumps on the truck. He untangles Vince and both of them jump back on the convertible, just before the shotgun of the angry truck driver goes off, barely escaping getting their heads blasted off. Watch here!

MVP: The police officer Muse (portrayed by Stanton Rutledge) who, one hour into the movie, is the only one connecting the word "family" to the crew, probably not knowing what he has started.
                          
Physics Score: 8/10               Gear Shift Close-Ups: 12             "Family"-Counter: 2

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS (2003)

We are lucky enough to find the six-minute short film The Turbo Charged Prelude for 2 Fast 2 Furious in the DVD extras. It tells the story of how Brian flees from the LAPD and goes on a road trip. After winning a few races on the way, he ends up in Miami. There is no dialogue. Till then I had thought it was the film The Artist that reintroduced the world to silent cinema. But apparently it was the Fast & Furious franchise.
As its second installment begins, B.A. and I realize that this film doubles down on the early 2000-ness. This film came out the same year that Need For Speed: Underground did, and you can tell. The cars are in bright orange, green, red, purple or pink colors, fully equipped with rear spoilers and neon lighting. In addition, director John Singleton goes all-out with crazy camera angles and visual representations of what he apparently thinks driving a fast car looks like (including the highest "Gear Shift Close-Up" count in the franchise). It's almost unsettling for the eyes at points. Trading in Vin Diesel for Tyrese Gibson fills this style-heavy film with much more quips and humor compared to its predecessor. All this flashiness almost makes you forget about the somewhat dull plot. For some reason, this movie reminds us of another "all-style-no-substance" sequel that didn't have any impact on its franchise:
Mission: Impossible II.

Biggest Stunt: Roman and Brian jumping with their car from the road onto a boat that has just left shore. Watch here!

MVP: The casting director, for not only casting the soon-to-be integral crew members Tyrese and Ludacris, but also Devon Aoki as Suki, who unfortunately didn't get to resprise her role, but later kicked ass in Sin City.
                                         
Physics Score: 7/10               Gear Shift Close-Ups: 46             "Family"-Counter: 0


THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (2006)

We discuss whether we should skip this film for now, in order to preserve the story-line chronology (as it takes place between Fast and Furious 6 and 7), but B.A. is determined not to "disrespect the artist's vision" and keep the order of release.
This time, we are taken back to High School with an all new cast. And this was back in the day when Hollywood would cast mid-twenties to play teenagers. As a result, we get 24-year-old Lucas Black as our new protagonist (Sean), who unfortunately doesn't really boost the acting game compared to an underage kid. His character is as flat as his fake southern accent. Further, with the exception of the outrageous pedagogical approach to exile a student to Tokyo one day before school starts despite him not knowing any Japanese, the plot is pretty by-the-numbers. The new kid who has a passion for something meets the big bully who is better than him in said particular skill, motivating him to work real hard and beat him in the end. It hits all the familiar plot points, including "training through montage". The one time the film throws you a bit of a curve ball and kills off Han (the only charismatic character in the film) everyone else handles it like it is not that big of a deal. We are certain the worst movie is behind us. Also, we are relieved not to have watched this film in its chronological order. With all its outdated references and technology, this film would have stood out even more. To be fair though, this is the most realistic film in the franchise, which might also be why it is the most boring one.

Biggest Stunt: The only moment where your heart jumps a bit is when Sean drives in full speed towards a mass of people. The crowd splits, creating a narrow passageway that Sean drifts though like a pro. Watch here!

MVP: Sung Kang, for making the small character of Han so compelling that the producers messed up the whole time-line of the franchise just to include him in future movies.

Physics Score: 9.5/10               Gear Shift Close-Ups: 40              "Family"-Counter: 1

FAST & FURIOUS (2009)

We top the Pizza, put it in the oven, and sit down to watch a movie that missed the big opportunity to call itself "The Fourth of The Furious". We are happy to see the original cast back even though Michelle Rodriguez's Letty is killed of so quickly that we would have missed it if the whole plot didn't revolve around solving her murder and getting revenge. In general, this is a more personal story that lays the groundwork for the new direction this franchise is taking. There is some good stuff in Fast & Furious: Elements are properly set-up so that they pay-off later, the reason the characters come back together again is actually believable and dynamic, the action sequences are shot quite well, Paul Walker's acting has very much improved, and even Wonder Woman herself, Gal Gadot, has joined the cast. It's also kind of cool that they tried out a different genre and went a bit more of a crime thriller route.
However, the franchise has not quite found its footing yet. Apart from a pretty unnecessary twist, B.A. and I feel like there is something more missing, but we can't put a finger on it. After a little time to reflect, we realize, that it is the humor and lightheartedness of the previous and later installments. We now try to recap the number of points at which we laughed or even chuckled during the film and realize that there are vanishingly few. This reinvention of the franchise appears to be just a shade too dark, and we'd love to see Dom and Brian do a little bit less brooding.

Biggest Stunt: We called it "Execution by car". The bad guy, Fenix, stands next to his car and holds Brian at gun-point. Suddenly, Dominic Toretto comes blasted out of the mountain in front of them in his car. He flies directly towards Fenix, who tries to jump away. But Brian takes a dive, grabs Fenix by the ankle and holds him down, so that Dom crushes him in half between the two cars. Brutal... but totally awesome. Watch here!

MVP: Brian O'Connor, for holding that dude down just so he can get executed by a car.      
                                    
Physics Score: 6/10                Gear Shift Close-Ups: 34               "Family"-Counter: 2

FAST FIVE (2011)

We see the The Rock in the DVD menu and we know: Now we are getting to the good stuff. Because Fast Five is so far considered to be the best film of the series. And we see why: The dark tone from its predecessor is gone, and instead this film turns into a "getting-the-gang-together"-type heist movie. This kind of playful concept as already worked very well for films like Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, Ocean's Eleven and The Italian Job. (FUN FACT: two of the cast-members, as well as the director of the 2003 The Italian Job remake, reunited in Fast & Furious 8). This movie however has the additional benefit that the different crew members are taken from all four previous films respectively, making it a lot of fun for fans of the franchise to see some of them interact for the first time.
The film feels like a "Best Of", bringing in the personal story telling from the first one, the ridiculous fun from the second and even some of the dark elements from the fourth. On top of that, the addition of The Rock as a no-nonsense hands-on cop gives the film an extra bit of flavor and a few more "Fuck Yeah!"-moments. B.A. and I agree that while Fast & Furious might have been the film to get the franchise back on track, it was this installment that steered it in the right direction. You can also tell by the fact that the word "family" starts to come up more often.

Biggest Stunt: Dom destroying over a dozen police cars in a row by slinging a freakin' enormous vault at them that is attached to his car. Watch here!

MVP: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Detective Luke Hobbs, for reinvigorating the whole franchise.

Physics Score: 5/10                 Gear Shift Close-Ups: 21               "Family"-Counter: 5

FAST & FURIOUS 6 (2013)

We had totally forgotten that already at the end of Fast Five Eva Mendes (seen before in the second installment) comes into Hobbs office with photos of Letty that had just been taken days before. How is that possible? Didn't she die in the fourth film? Who is she working with now? If she's alive, why didn't she come back to Dom? Will their love blossom again like it did when Dom dry-humped her in his garage in The Fast and The Furious? What will Dom do about the hot Brazilian cop he is banging at the moment? These are the burning questions we now hope to get answers to in Fast & Furious 6. And we do: Letty has amnesia and thus, has forgotten all about her tank top wearing lover. To cap it all, she is also working for a rogue crew of thieves that are opposing our protagonists. Now Dom must not only defeat these bad guys, but also remind Letty of her past life with him. It is the point where we enter the soap opera elements of this franchise. For the first time on that day, B.A. and I feel exhausted. Sure, there are some of the dumbest physics defying stunts in this, but the film seems to drag a little. The premise is fine but a little predictable; there are side plots that seem to unnecessarily tie the film to previous ones; a betrayal is shown that we couldn't care less for; and Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel in combination are just not expressive enough to give the "dramatic" scenes any significant weight. Further, Luke Evans' villain is a little underdeveloped, and his plan so forgettable that we just don't really feel the stakes in this movie. Granted, they kill off another character, but that moment kind of gets lost in the action.

Biggest Stunt: While on a huge bridge, the tank that Letty is climbing on the top of crashes, threatening to throw her into the deep ravine. Dom, the math genius he is, does a controlled and calculated crash himself, catapulting exactly into Letty's trajectory, allowing him to catch her mid-air and land (safely) on a car. Watch here!

MVP: Jason Statham, for appearing at the end very end with his bad-ass "Dominic Toretto, you don't know me, but you are about to."-line getting you pumped up again.

Physics Score: 3.5/10             Gear Shift Close-Ups: 22             "Family"-Counter: 11

FURIOUS 7 (2015)

I have actually already reviewed this film when it was initially released, and back then, I thought it had some serious script issues. Rightly so, B.A. says that one simply has to turn a blind eye to that, since the writers had the incredibly tough task to rewrite the script in the middle of shooting, when Paul Walker tragically passed away. And as it turns out, when you are already prepared for the somewhat messy story line, the film is much more exciting than on the first viewing. It's moving quickly, taking you from one action set piece to another. Statham versus The Rock, Diesel versus Statham, cars jumping out of buildings, people jumping out of cars, people in cars jumping out of an airplane. It is a blast and the best dumb-fun we've had so far. We are at a point where this franchise knows how ridiculous it is and really owns it. I mean... The Rock breaks the cast on his arm by flexing his biceps. It's amazing.
Then, after all this grand scale spectacle the film ends on a personal and sincere note. If someone had asked me before, if a Fast & Furious movie could cause me to have a lump in my throat, I would have laughed. A lot. But here, even the second time around, the ending chokes me up. We say "Fare thee well!" to Paul.

Biggest Stunt: There is a lot to choose from, because the "dropping cars out of a plane" sequence was actually done with practical effects. So was the scene with Brian jumping off a bus off a cliff. But in the end, this one has to go to Dom and Brian driving a car - not once, but twice - from one building through the window and into another... all on the 45th floor. Watch here!

MVP: Universal Studios for handling Paul Walker's death in the most respectful and sincere way, giving the character of Brian a worthy send-off.

Physics Score: 2/10               Gear Shift Close-Ups: 33               "Family"-Counter: 9

THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS (2017)

Here we are. The great finale. We put on our jackets and take a long needed walk to the movie theater. When we sit down with our nachos and the curtain opens, we are pumped. Who would have thought this series would once have eight installments and counting? What then unfolds in front of our eyes might be the most unbridled, wildest, and most absurdly entertaining film of the franchise. While B.A. was certain this one's gonna be a blast, I am genuinely surprised about how much I am enjoying this movie.
It starts off with an appropriately ridiculous racing sequence between Dom and a cocky Cuban race driver. Dom wins the race in reverse gear with half of the car in flames. From here on out, they keep upping the ante from scene to scene. Because, as we saw in the trailer, Dom's team has soon to face the one thing they are not prepared for: Dom himself. The reason for this betrayal is kept from the viewer for the first half of the film, and I find myself hoping it is not some bullshit made-up leverage. When the revelation comes, however, I am actually a little impressed how well it fits into the over all franchise. In general this film brings in quite a few elements from past films that it weaves into its story. Just like Fast Five, this movie gains a lot by bringing back a large number of characters we have met before, only that this time it has seven instead of four movies to choose from. They even do their very hardest to redeem Jason Statham's former bad guy Deckard Shaw. In addition, they of course got some new faces on board as well. Most notably, a classy cameo by Dame Helen Mirren (who actually specifically asked to be in the franchise) and Charlize Theron's turn as the main antagonist. What's fun about Theron's performance is that she finally gives us a villain, who doesn't scowl all the time, but actually seems to be enjoying herself. Vin Diesel on the other hand does nothing but scowl for most of the movie. This is first and foremost due to the fact that his story line gets unexpectedly dark. At one point during the film, B.A. and I even silently turn to each other with an "I didn't think they would go there" kind of look. Still, you get enough stunts, quips and goofiness to balance these moments out. As a result, this movie seems like an updated version of the Roger Moore Bond era, where gruesome deaths were accompanied by silly action sequences and cheesy one-liners. It is exactly what you expect from this franchise by now, and so this film gave me everything I wanted an eighth installment of Fast & Furious to be.

Biggest Stunt: Once again, its a tough call. The amazing "Zombie Cars" come in at a close second to the visually pompous "Cars vs. Submarine" sequence, including the awesome destruction of the latter vehicle. Find these scenes in the trailer!

MVP: Director F. Gary Gray, for creating a fun ride and breaking two records while doing so: "Highest grossing black director of all time", and "Highest worldwide opening of all time".

Physics Score: 4/10              Gear Shift Close-Ups: 31               "Family"-Counter: 14


RÉSUMÉ:

We did it. Finally! And on our way home, we recapitulate what we just saw. To begin with, we think of Dom Toretto's character development and realize that in the course of eight films (actually only six to be exact) he went from stealing DVD-Players to stealing nuclear launch codes. That is quite a career path. Then we talk about the franchise as a whole. Admittedly, it is a mixed bag when it comes to the quality of the films, but we can't help but to praise it for the way it respects its characters. It keeps bringing characters back, enriching their story. Even some of the ones that seem like a one and done type. Surprisingly so, the continuity is pretty solid with the exception of a few unclarities as to when characters first met and the fact that a 33 year old Lucas Black reprised his role as 17 year old Sean in Furious 7. It is easy to make fun of the series' "Family"-theme, but it is apparent through the way they expand roles instead of replacing people. It is also impressive that our main heroes, Dom and Brian, are one of the very few action leading men that stay in a committed relationship for largest part of the franchise, which is quite uncommon.
Furthermore, the cast shows an unusual amount of ethnic diversity with Black-, Latino-, Asian- and even Middle Eastern-actors in its main or recurring roles. And while the franchise has always prominently featured a bunch of hot female extras whose sole purpose it is to shake their booty in front of the camera, it has recently started to add, flesh out and strengthen female characters. It is more progressive than it gets credit for.
Of course, it is still a ridiculous action franchise that is just incredibly dumb fun. But with the afore-mentioned positives plus its tendency for self-mockery, it feels really genuine. Even if you can't get behind this kind of absurdity, you can still see that this series is not a simple cash grab, but sort-of "means well". Something I wouldn't say about the transformers franchise for example.
Even my parents, who are generally more into the european/arthouse/intellectual kind of cinema, had to grin when I showed them the major action scenes from Furious 7 on YouTube.

Oh, and Universal, in case you are reading this, these are my pitches for the next and ninth installment of this franchise:

• The Fast & The Führer: a prequel set in Germany revolving around Dom's grandfather Johann 'Hans' Toretto, who fights the Nazi regime with his Mercedes-Benz 770 (alternative title: Fast & Furious Nein)
• Fast to the Future: Dom and his crew buy an old garage that they want to pimp up, where they find an old DeLorean that must've stood there for 30 years. When Dom dusts it up and takes it for a spin, he realizes that this is, in fact, a time-machine!
• The Force & The Furious: Dom sits in a bar, when a mysterious person in a brown cloak approaches him and asks him, why he thinks he can do things with cars that no one can, why he is almost indestructible and can defy the laws of physics. The person is an old Jedi and reveals that Dom must be Force-sensitive. In order to defy a new Sith organization that has spread through the galaxy, the Jedi takes Dom and his crew on a journey, where he teaches him the ways of the force and prepares him for the ultimate battle against the dark side.

So, this was my in-depth review of my "Fast & Furious Marathon". It was exhausting, but still a blast. A big thanks goes out to B.A. for joining me on (and actually initiating) this endeavor as well as helping me with the stats.

Sincerely,
Your Cinemartian